pause and reset
‘take a deep breath, Han. you’re gonna do this. just go and you’re gonna figure it out’
I told myself, a week before this spontaneous trip happened.
2nd trekking trip. (I also wrote about the 1st one on my blog)
no prior cardio practice. no mental readiness. not (much) of researching done about the destination. not (much) of discussion around how the trip would happen.
/just do it. reason not required/ - Nike said it well on my shoes.
*
Lomburr. on the first two days of March. 31617 steps tracked. Garmin notified me something about new record made. what a nice way to start the month.
*
I love saigon. I really do. but many times I just want to press an escape button to somewhere else. outside of this busy chaotic and loud city. away from the traffic every morning and night commuting back and forth to work. far from the responsibilites of a 9-to-5 adult and 5-to-9 self explorer.
this time, I thought of the same thing right before I committed to say yes on joining the trip, last minute.
I didn’t know that it was not a pure escape.
*
breath in. breath out.
yeah. I almost forgot how stimulating could it be just by walking in a forest. the sound of birds chipping early in the morning. the look of huge trees. some cute random flowers pop up along the way. waittt, have ferns always looked THIS nice? - I said to myself, quickly touched those fresh and greeny leaves while walking pass them.
wait. what was that about? what the heck did my brain just do? like just in a few minutes it could pull of a hundred thoughts and stories in my head. about so many different things. my job. the pending task that I haven’t completed before I went. some projects that got delayed. past relationships and things we said that were somehow toxic to each other now that I thought about it. planning for 2025 and a bunch of things on my to-explore list. questions I’ve been afraid of asking someone. the next trip about to be made while my current passport is coming to its expiry date. some conversations made some days before this trip happened.
all of that for a-few-minutes. while I was HIKING and enjoying the nature (aka touching grass). I know, right?
*
‘Han, be careful, watch your steps’
‘Han, be careful, but don’t forget to look up. see how nice it is up there’
‘woaaa’
I took a moment of appreciation to the beauty of nature and the sacred sound of the forest.
‘I’m sorry, mother nature. I got distracted.’
pause and reset. this is what I’m doing. letting myself take a pause button towards my city life. not escaping, not running away from my problems. a just enough brain and mind and heart reset while taking in all the precious feelings trekking could bring to you. (plus, the annoyance of the midnight cold, the slight frustration of compromising no hygiene, the disconnection from a thirst to connect)
I do own myself this.
pause and reset.
just breath, walk, and feel things. in its most raw way. feel the presence around you. the hidden tension. the unspoken truth. the nice gestures. the small interactions. the bigger ones.
*
a nice trip won’t wash away my overthinking brain. sure it won’t. a good hike won’t solve all of my existing challenges. of course.
it’s just me taking a pause, zooming out a lil to rethink the whole picture of my life right now. this current stage. the current transitions that I’m going through.
reset does not mean to erase what’s happening. it means to reframe when it is needed, and to take a step back before I can take a step forward.
it does not even necessarily happen via a trip, a hike, or even a fancy weekend retreat.
just a reminder for myself, maybe for you, too.
to pause and reset is to let go. stop that waves in your head when needed. just because.
a new week is coming.
your friend,
Han from work in progress
me mê Nam Cát Tiên lắm huhu. chỉ ước Nam Cát Tiên gần hơn một chút thay vì là 4 giờ đi xe =))